Well, it's been a month back to work and it has been busy. I really think that my boss and colleagues have been lying to me for the past few years - every year they tell me that it's "never" been like this, it'll be slower or better next year, things will be more 'normal'...so far, insanity has proven to be the normal.
I enjoyed my summer and was blessed with some down time as well as with some fun trips (Minnesota, Virginia, and several treks to McPherson). I was glad to get back to work, but I am VERY much looking forward to a 3-day weekend! That's sad considering that one of my districts (my biggest one) doesn't even start back until the 8th. I am determined to relish the quiet...and may even finish painting my bedroom!
Lately I have really been pondering what to do/be in my life. I have always had a heart for children - have always enjoyed travel and foreign lands. In the past several years, I have had such a softened heart towards foreign adoption (China and Africa) and the countless lives that are alone in this world. I want so very much to be a mother, but really don't know if I could even handle that. I can't imagine trying to do that on my own - I am so selfish with my time and energy...it's a good thing my dog likes to be in his kennel, otherwise I may have to keep him entertained! I am hoping that God has a family in store for my future. Chances are that He may not - can I be joyful in that? Or will I just trust Him to know what is best and that His timing in all things is perfect. I don't want to pray for patience though, because He just may indulge me in that waiting game! :)
Guess I'll just wait for the time being...it's a good thing that adoption is a long process because there are days when I could just take them all in!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Not Mine
How is it that someone with few emotional attachments has gotten to the point of loving and being so involved in others' lives that their joys are also my joys and their pains are also my pains? I still wouldn't say that I am "emotional", but at the same time, I would say that God has definitely been softening my heart and opening my eyes to the people around me and their situations.
The thing that scares me about all of this is that none of these people are "mine". I'm not responsible for making sure they get fed or bathed or clothed and out the door for their day. If I'm getting this wrapped up in people I'm not responsible for, what in the world am I going to be like if I ever am blessed with a husband and children? What a blubbering idiot I'm bound to be. Yikes.
The thing that scares me about all of this is that none of these people are "mine". I'm not responsible for making sure they get fed or bathed or clothed and out the door for their day. If I'm getting this wrapped up in people I'm not responsible for, what in the world am I going to be like if I ever am blessed with a husband and children? What a blubbering idiot I'm bound to be. Yikes.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Time Is Here
Well, it is June. When did that happen and what happened to the last quarter of the school year? I can't believe that today is my last day of work before my 7-week summer break. Wow.
It is June and that means that I get to dog-sit for the next 2-3 weeks while my friends are in Minnesota at Mayo Clinic for their 14-year-old daughter's open heart surgery. It's been a 14 year journey for them, but this past year has really been a difficult time and an emotional roller coaster for them. I know that they are ready for this to be done with so that they will hopefully be able to get back to their new normal - whatever that may be. I know that they are afraid of the unknowns and that it is tough to give up whatever control they may have in this situation.
What has been wonderful to see is the community support and outpouring of love and help from their work places, church, and town. God has definitely shown His face in the midst of all of this. Yet, it is still difficult at times to truly trust Him for who He is and what He can do.
If all works out, I'll be heading up to visit with them next weekend with some other work peeps. I don't want to be in the way, but want to be able to give them a respite in the midst of the long hospital stay if possible. Guess that will be my vacation from dog-sitting too! It'll all work out I'm sure!
Please pray for Katelyn's surgery and recovery over the next few weeks.
Blessings to you all,
Candice
It is June and that means that I get to dog-sit for the next 2-3 weeks while my friends are in Minnesota at Mayo Clinic for their 14-year-old daughter's open heart surgery. It's been a 14 year journey for them, but this past year has really been a difficult time and an emotional roller coaster for them. I know that they are ready for this to be done with so that they will hopefully be able to get back to their new normal - whatever that may be. I know that they are afraid of the unknowns and that it is tough to give up whatever control they may have in this situation.
What has been wonderful to see is the community support and outpouring of love and help from their work places, church, and town. God has definitely shown His face in the midst of all of this. Yet, it is still difficult at times to truly trust Him for who He is and what He can do.
If all works out, I'll be heading up to visit with them next weekend with some other work peeps. I don't want to be in the way, but want to be able to give them a respite in the midst of the long hospital stay if possible. Guess that will be my vacation from dog-sitting too! It'll all work out I'm sure!
Please pray for Katelyn's surgery and recovery over the next few weeks.
Blessings to you all,
Candice
Monday, March 30, 2009
2 weeks later...
So, it's been 2 weeks since I last wrote. Life has been interesting. I went from being in the midst of 10 days away from work on Spring Break back into the craziness and chaos that is the 4th 9 weeks of the school year.
Also, little Stellan of MckMama's family has been very sick with a heart problem that he had in utero, but that was thought to have been healed from. The fact that I have been praying for this family and this 4 month old little boy that I've never met is such an amazing thing. Who would have thought that tens of thousands of people would be brought to their knees by such a young child - well, I guess Jesus talked about children a lot, I shouldn't be so surprised.
I have been trying to figure out what it is that I am supposed to be doing in life - oh, I have plenty of things that I'd like to do, but so many are contingent on other people...you know, like marriage, having children, etc. I just don't feel that contentment in life that I've been having. I don't know if I'm just now realizing that I'm not content or if I am just coming into this season of life. Now is not the time to be thinking about job or house changes...I sign on my new refinancing loan tomorrow! Going to get this house paid off in just 15 short years!
I am just sick of being so "alone" - and this can be a physical alone or the emotional one...just depends on the day. There are times when I am just sick of people, but for the most part I am just tired of the mundane routine that is my life - I want there to be life in my house to come home to - and not just Deacon, even though he's pretty dang cute!
We had a strange spring snow last weekend that allowed for a shortened school day on Friday, but it also cancelled the weekend trip to Kansas City I was going to take with BJ and ladies from her church. I guess it's a good thing that we didn't go, but at the same time I was looking for time away from my life here and was ready for some intense time with godly women teaching from His Word.
Latest movie I watched: "Bolt"...highly recommend it. If you loved "Kung Fu Panda", you'll like this one. There are several uses of the word "awesome" in this movie. So, if that word annoys you, this is NOT the movie for you to see! Or if you have something against animated, talking animals...again, not the movie for you. I would recommend watching it with someone else - there's just something about laughing WITH someone instead of laughing out loud by yourself and wondering if you'll ever get a life.
I am thinking about trying to get motivated to jump in with my friend, Jason, and his pals with a weight loss deal. I'm only a month behind the rest of them! :) I haven't fully committed...just pondering the benefits of it, but not sure if I'm yet willing to actually work at it!
Okay, I think that is about as random as I can convince myself to be at this point in time. I praise Him that He is in the midst of all things even if I can't see or feel that He is there.
Blessings!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Not Me! Monday
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
Okay, I'm going to TRY to do something that I have pondered doing for a year - join the weekly blog carnival from MckMama that allows honest sharing in a reverse psychology fashion...I'm going to try - not that I have done or not done anything interesting this week.
Let's see, this week I did not:
- have a couple of people stop in front of my house and ask if I was having a garage sale based on the amount of stuff that was in my yard. I am a neat freak and would never let my front yard look like a flea market!
- make an appointment to see the doctor and then less than 24 hours later COMPLETELY forget about the appt. and not go - I am young and have a GREAT memory, I am not forgetful!
- disobey doctor's orders to not walk on my foot for a week or longer and then turn around and do a 4-hour long garage clean-out followed by grocery shopping.
- do a little happy dance in the principal's office after an encouraging tenure evaluation - I am a professional and would never act a little crazy.
-start planning away every minute of my Spring Break...there is no way that I wanted to spend any quality time with my couch and pjs this week.
- go to 2 worship services back-to-back at CCC to listen to my friend, BJ, sing a song she wrote...in front of thousands of people. I would never have friends that are that talented and blessed!
Okay, guess that is all that I haven't done this week. We'll see if there is anything this coming week worth posting. Feel free to join in Not Me Monday!!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Balance
I do not pretend to know how this rat race of life is supposed to be run...I just know that I am supposed to run this race to win. I don't know if taking some pit stops and scenic byways is really part of that winning attitude, but sometimes those are more rejuvenating and exciting than the race itself.
This past year and a half, I have found myself doing a large amount of personal introspection and overall pondering about my purpose and passion. I think that, for me anyway, it is important to get the purpose part figured out and understood before I can really move forward with determining, cultivating and living out my passion.
As I am living day to day, I don't really see a whole lot of things that jump out as being important or worthy of remembering. However, as I think back now, it is amazing to see how so many things have been working together towards an end goal.
18 months ago, I began to be very unsettled in my church life. I was beginning to attend services out of obligation and the feeling of guilt that I wasn't doing something I should be doing. I would go to things just to see people and to play with my friends' kids. Really, not the best reason to go to church. The motives were just not pure and honest. God started to stir up ideas in my mind about stepping out of the comfort zone of the church I'd been attending for nearly 10 years. Of course I didn't see this as a call to move on, but as a call to see what else was out there in the way of ministries and opportunities for service.
Throughout my 2-3 months of church shopping/covert ministry spying, I found another church body that spoke life into my worn out soul. I knew that I needed something fresh and new to me and in small steps, He led me to the place where He wanted me to be. It was most definitely not an easy decision and it was very difficult emotionally to let go of the lives that I was invested in and those that had invested in me for so long. But I was miserable and I was spreading that to those around me; not at all what He wants for His children.
It has been about 11 months since I went on a 3 day personal revitalization weekend...some would call it a retreat, but it was too structured for it to be considered that. It was one of those things that in the moment isn't the most comfortable places to be, but in thinking back on it, I see how God has his fingers in the midst of that time - with the people that were involved in all aspects of it and in reminding me throughout the year the things that He was beginning to whisper to me and seeds He was planting in the past 28 1/2 years of my life.
The background behind "The Loudest Introvert" began when I was in a group of 30 women I'd never met before and I had to describe myself. This was the only thing that came to mind. For the most part I do appear to be quite extroverted and loud...but my inner being is very much a reserved introvert that has to have so much alone time to balance out the small amounts of time that I spend in the midst of groups of people...even 1-0n-1 or 1-on-2 groups can be draining.
In writing this blog, I am working towards honesty with my friends, myself, and with God. I will freely admit that I have many different facades and masks that I wear. I can adapt fairly easily in so many different situations. I can appear to be comfortable, but inside I am miserable and uneasy. I don't trust very easily and it is difficult for me to be honest because I am afraid. Afraid that my true thoughts and feelings will be used against me and they won't be good enough for someone to appreciate who I really am.
I am on this journey to figure out who I am and who I need to be. Again, that requires some sort of balance.
Maybe I need to learn to be light-hearted and funny so that this blog has a little balance to it and it isn't just filled with heavy thoughts!
I will continue to post randomly as I have time to process through things. God has richly blessed me with many different people that are challenging me to think about my life, my faith, and my God. As those relationships are fostered and more questions are pondered, I'll try to post my thoughts here for the world to see.
Counting the days to relaxation a.k.a. Spring Break: 9 calendar days, 6 1/2 school days
This past year and a half, I have found myself doing a large amount of personal introspection and overall pondering about my purpose and passion. I think that, for me anyway, it is important to get the purpose part figured out and understood before I can really move forward with determining, cultivating and living out my passion.
As I am living day to day, I don't really see a whole lot of things that jump out as being important or worthy of remembering. However, as I think back now, it is amazing to see how so many things have been working together towards an end goal.
18 months ago, I began to be very unsettled in my church life. I was beginning to attend services out of obligation and the feeling of guilt that I wasn't doing something I should be doing. I would go to things just to see people and to play with my friends' kids. Really, not the best reason to go to church. The motives were just not pure and honest. God started to stir up ideas in my mind about stepping out of the comfort zone of the church I'd been attending for nearly 10 years. Of course I didn't see this as a call to move on, but as a call to see what else was out there in the way of ministries and opportunities for service.
Throughout my 2-3 months of church shopping/covert ministry spying, I found another church body that spoke life into my worn out soul. I knew that I needed something fresh and new to me and in small steps, He led me to the place where He wanted me to be. It was most definitely not an easy decision and it was very difficult emotionally to let go of the lives that I was invested in and those that had invested in me for so long. But I was miserable and I was spreading that to those around me; not at all what He wants for His children.
It has been about 11 months since I went on a 3 day personal revitalization weekend...some would call it a retreat, but it was too structured for it to be considered that. It was one of those things that in the moment isn't the most comfortable places to be, but in thinking back on it, I see how God has his fingers in the midst of that time - with the people that were involved in all aspects of it and in reminding me throughout the year the things that He was beginning to whisper to me and seeds He was planting in the past 28 1/2 years of my life.
The background behind "The Loudest Introvert" began when I was in a group of 30 women I'd never met before and I had to describe myself. This was the only thing that came to mind. For the most part I do appear to be quite extroverted and loud...but my inner being is very much a reserved introvert that has to have so much alone time to balance out the small amounts of time that I spend in the midst of groups of people...even 1-0n-1 or 1-on-2 groups can be draining.
In writing this blog, I am working towards honesty with my friends, myself, and with God. I will freely admit that I have many different facades and masks that I wear. I can adapt fairly easily in so many different situations. I can appear to be comfortable, but inside I am miserable and uneasy. I don't trust very easily and it is difficult for me to be honest because I am afraid. Afraid that my true thoughts and feelings will be used against me and they won't be good enough for someone to appreciate who I really am.
I am on this journey to figure out who I am and who I need to be. Again, that requires some sort of balance.
Maybe I need to learn to be light-hearted and funny so that this blog has a little balance to it and it isn't just filled with heavy thoughts!
I will continue to post randomly as I have time to process through things. God has richly blessed me with many different people that are challenging me to think about my life, my faith, and my God. As those relationships are fostered and more questions are pondered, I'll try to post my thoughts here for the world to see.
Counting the days to relaxation a.k.a. Spring Break: 9 calendar days, 6 1/2 school days
Monday, February 16, 2009
Beginning...Again
Well, I don't really know why I am blogging again. It's been a couple of years and I don't even want to link back to the old stuff which was mostly vacation pics and thoughts from another lifetime.
I will admit that I am OBSESSED with blogs...and it seems that I have more thought time and prayer time devoted to people I have never met and will most likely never meet this side of eternity.
I am an observer. I love to people watch, but hate to be in crowds. I think that there are times that I scare people with the details I pick up when I talk to them and then remember or act on it months later. I think I'd be a little weirded (is that even a word?) out by it if the shoe was on the other foot.
Several months ago my mom asked me to start a journal or blog about what was going on in my life at that time...but the timing wasn't right for me to have those words out for the world to read. Not that I'm expecting to be MckMama who has a loyal following of wolverine readers or to have anyone intentionally read this, but someone may stumble by accidently or on occasion. I want this to be a place of realness and openness.
All of this to say that I guess it's time for me to face the fact that I am supposed to be a light for those around me to be able to see the grace and love of the God I serve. I may not meet a million people in my lifetime, but I want to make a difference in the few people I do cross paths with over time.
I will preface this whole blog with the fact that I am not a professional writer and I will most likely have dangling participles and inappropriate uses of commas and ... throughout the posts. No apologies, it's just the way I write!
Praying for His blessings in our world...
I will admit that I am OBSESSED with blogs...and it seems that I have more thought time and prayer time devoted to people I have never met and will most likely never meet this side of eternity.
I am an observer. I love to people watch, but hate to be in crowds. I think that there are times that I scare people with the details I pick up when I talk to them and then remember or act on it months later. I think I'd be a little weirded (is that even a word?) out by it if the shoe was on the other foot.
Several months ago my mom asked me to start a journal or blog about what was going on in my life at that time...but the timing wasn't right for me to have those words out for the world to read. Not that I'm expecting to be MckMama who has a loyal following of wolverine readers or to have anyone intentionally read this, but someone may stumble by accidently or on occasion. I want this to be a place of realness and openness.
All of this to say that I guess it's time for me to face the fact that I am supposed to be a light for those around me to be able to see the grace and love of the God I serve. I may not meet a million people in my lifetime, but I want to make a difference in the few people I do cross paths with over time.
I will preface this whole blog with the fact that I am not a professional writer and I will most likely have dangling participles and inappropriate uses of commas and ... throughout the posts. No apologies, it's just the way I write!
Praying for His blessings in our world...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)